


how many stars are there

by fairylighted



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, bit angsty, seonghwa is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2020-01-05 01:32:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18355862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairylighted/pseuds/fairylighted
Summary: Everyday a boy starts walking in the morning and stops in front of another boy’s door, hand him another tape, or sometimes a CD.Every minute, there is a boy who records another boy at an inconvenient time.Every time, a boy never stops falling in love with an another boy.





	how many stars are there

Seonghwa woke up from his slumber. As he laid down lazily, he stared at his window. The sun rays were glowering behind the curtain and he saw the cloud floating and wondered how it would feel like to be on top of one of it. He sat up and saw tall buildings, and he saw the city noisy, cars and vehicles moving, feeling a bit alive.

 

He did his usual routine, eating his breakfast from last night’s leftovers and prepared some food for his mother and feed his dogs. He took his bag and insert his foot into his worn out boots.

 

He bid his goodbyes to his dogs and went out to walk a few blocks to his best friend. The summer sky was not as clear as yesterday, so he was a little bit worried. It vexed his feelings, so he pulled out his cassette deck and listen to a recent tape he’s working on. He laughed as he listened to a small voice talking inside. A voice that can make him smile.

 

Seonghwa was 18, he didn’t want overpriced gadgets, or the trendiest clothes. He had a hobby and all he needed was a recorder, tapes and a particular boy’s voice to record.

 

When he reached the block, he entered the flower’s shop. He saw his best friend’s mom spraying the displayed flowers and greeted hello. He didn’t see his best friend yet which was weird, because he used to help in the morning in the shop.

 

"Hi Auntie! Good morning, where’s Yeosang?" Seonghwa started.

 

Mrs. Kang looked behind and saw him and said, "Oh Seonghwa! Yeosang is still in bed, I woke him up earlier but I think he has a bit of fever, can you buy him porridge from the store nearby? That’d be great, I’m so busy right now because there was an early order."

 

Seonghwa smiled and thought of how did Yeosang got a fever. Is it because of how they went out last night for a run and late night ramen? Seonghwa walked to the store and thought, maybe it is a bit of his fault.

 

After he got the porridge and some extra dumplings, only because it’s Yeosang’s favourite, he went up the flower shop into the small and cozy apartment, and knock on Yeosang’s room.

 

Seonghwa sat on his bed. He pushed the lump on the bed slowly and saw Yeosang still sleeping. Seonghwa thought on how beautiful his face was. From his bed hair to his calm sleeping face, to his almost parted lips, Seonghwa thought of how he wants to protect this boy, his bestfriend, his childhood friend, his crush.

 

He saw his messy room and cleaned up a bit out of habit and laughed when he see Yeosang’s wall filled with his face and other of their high school friends. He let out his video recorder and started to record his room and then to his sleeping face and laughed when Yeosang suddenly woke up from his sleep.

 

"The fuck? Who the fuck?"

 

Seonghwa giggled, "I caught that in the video recorder!"

 

"Fuck off Seonghwa. I feel terrible."

 

"That’s why I have food! And dumplings." It seemed to work as Yeosang sat up from his bed and opened his mouth.

 

"Please feed me."

 

Seonghwa laughed at this but still helped him for a few bites.

 

"Are you filming me? I looked really ugly though,"

 

From this, Seonghwa grinned and said, "You always looked ugly,"

 

Yeosang glared at him and continue munching his food. "Whatever."

 

"Oh! This is the recent one, enjoy." Seonghwa gave him a tape.

 

Yeosang smiled, "Thank you Seonghwa."

 

Since Yeosang is sick, they stayed inside, played some board games and talked to the recorder. At some point, Seonghwa went quiet and stared at Yeosang, smiled and stopped their recording. He stared at the floor and zone out for a few minutes. Yeosang saw his quietness and stared at him, nudged him and clung to his arm.

 

"What’s wrong bestfriend?" he whispered gently, while pouting.

 

He smiled and snorted, and patted his head. "Nothing. I’m fine." He looked at the clock and saw it’s 8pm, and started to pack his belongings. "It’s late already, I’m going back, okay?"

 

Yeosang pouted a bit, but nodded, releasing his hold from the older boy’s arm.

 

Seonghwa patted his head and smiled, "Get well soon, Yeosang. See you tomorrow," he said before going out quietly.

**-**

 

His footsteps were quiet as he walked. The night was quiet, but the city was loud, yellow lights on tall buildings, no stars on sight on the night sky and weird red twinkling lights from tall towers.

 

-

 

Yeosang was on his bed, feeling so much better but not sleepy. His nightstand was filled with manga, and he took one to read, but his mind was on Seonghwa’s weird behaviour. He remembered seeing his empty eyes as he said goodbye. He remembered seeing that last year, once on one winter night before their winter break started. He remembered seeing a tear dropped on his cheek and he remembered it was really dark, but the city lights was illuminating his face. He tried to ask, but Seonghwa was smiling after that, and Yeosang felt weird, he felt pain instead of relief.

 

He decided to listen to one of the tapes and reminisce their time together. It was wild how time flies really fast. He felt the memories coming back, slowly from high school memories to after school adventures.

 

He remembered when Seonghwa started to become his friend, how it was really meant to be and how familiar it was to be with him even though he was a year older. Yeosang remembered when he fell in love with his best friend after he saw him helping his mother with flowers, how natural his face was in the middle of the colourful bouquet of flowers. He saw how he handed free flowers to kids and grandparents in the middle of the street with their grey apron. He saw how natural his smile was, he saw that and he felt how grateful and appreciative for having him. He saw his twinkling eyes and he felt his heart beat. At that moment, he knew he was in love with his best friend.

 

He never needed to confess to him. He liked their current relationship, but sometimes he wanted to do more, kisses and hugs, but it never occurred to him, that he wanted a title between Seonghwa and him. He felt natural to love Seonghwa. Sometimes, he felt ashamed to have these feelings towards his best friend.

 

He remembered one afternoon, when Seonghwa asked him suddenly, if he could record him. Yeosang didn’t wavered as he knew he was already recording him long before he asked. Seonghwa’s face flushed and he slowly asked, "Aren’t you going to ask me why? Aren’t you scared of what I will do with it?"

 

Yeosang laughed but joked with him, "If you get money out of it, give me the money too."

 

Yeosang remembered when Seonghwa started to give tapes, and he forced himself to listen and he cringed listening to his voice. It was awkward, but he got over it because he got to listen to his crush’s voice too.

 

One day for sure, Yeosang will ask him why, or maybe Seonghwa will tell him. He is willing to listen but he won’t ask anything. Yeosang thought it is a good act.

 

Once, they were fooling around with the recorder on, it was a cold night and they were spending time with their group of friends. One of them jokingly said, "Why are you always recording" and then the topic was brought up.

 

He kept quiet, recorder still on, and another of them said, "Seonghwa is sentimental!"

 

He laughed, and agreed.

 

But at the same night, he asked Yeosang if he could sleepover at his house, saying he’s too tired to walk back to his house and it was already late. Yeosang didn’t hesitate and let him in, he saw Seonghwa’s eyes were filled with emotions but it looked, so tired. He remembered how he fell asleep with Seonghwa’s shaky shoulder and heavy breathing. It was heartbreaking but Yeosang couldn’t do anything but pray to the stars.

 

* * *

 

 

The next day, Yeosang was awaken by his mother’s voice. Her hands were on his forehead, and his eyes opened and saw her mother's. "Good morning baby, ready for a new day?" his mother smiled.

 

Yeosang laughed, "Stop treating me like a baby, I’m 17 already." He stood up to get ready for breakfast and to help his mother in the flower shop.

 

He wondered if Seonghwa is going to stop by or not. He wondered if it is okay to give him a hug when he meet him. He wondered how Seonghwa is feeling. He wanted to see him.

 

-

 

When it was almost lunch hour, Seonghwa entered the shop, and greeted both of them. Yeosang flipped his head from the counter and smiled at him. _He got to see him_.

 

"Hi Seonghwa!" He wondered if he sound too excited.

 

Seonghwa waved at him and smiled, "Hey sick boy, how are you feeling right now?" his hand was automatically on his best friend’s forehead.

 

Yeosang froze, and stuttered a bit but told him he is fine and healthy, and joked on how it was just a fever.

 

-

 

Seonghwa spent the afternoon at the shop and asked Yeosang if he wanted to stargaze somewhere. It was their favourite activity and they have not done that in a while. Yeosang’s mom let him but before bundling his son with multiple sweaters and a long padded jacket. They bid goodbye and start walking to the stargazing location, away from the city lights, but still at a walking distance.

 

As they sat side by side, he heard Seonghwa started to tear up. Yeosang was a bit stunned but he wrapped his arm and patted his shoulder. The tears were streaming down but Seonghwa manage to whisper a thank you and he hummed a song for Seonghwa.

 

Seonghwa cried harder and Yeosang giggled and patted the older’s head more. "I don’t deserve you, you are too nice to me," Seonghwa started.

 

Yeosang punched his shoulder and answered, "Said the person who cleans my room every week and help out in the shop almost every weekend."

 

Seonghwa laughed at that but his heart beat was even now and Yeosang felt relief as he patted his best friend.

 

"Yeosang." he began again.

 

"Yeah?"

 

"Thank you, always."

 

"Of course."

 

-

 

As they walked back to the city, Seonghwa suddenly stopped by and took a picture of a wildflower by the street, it was a single flower in a pothole between the road and a small road sign , it wasn’t that special but Seonghwa crouched and whispered, "Reminds me of my mom,"

 

Yeosang crouched beside him and asked why.

 

Seonghwa slowly touch the flower, "Because the flower is still surviving with harsh conditions and limited sunlight."

 

Yeosang didn’t open his mouth as he didn’t really know what to answer to it. Seonghwa stood up and start walking again. He opened his mouth again, "I have something to tell you. But it’s really hard to tell, so can you listen?" Yeosang was surprised but nodded.

 

"I actually haven’t told anyone. But, I felt like talking this to you, because you are really important to me and I don’t want to lose you." Yeosang smiled and hold his best friend’s hand hesitantly, but the latter gripped his hand and continued.

 

"Since the last winter break, my mom has been hospitalized and I’ve been going to the hospital almost everyday. She is sick, and I love her, so much, and I don’t want to lose her."

 

Seonghwa slowly stopped in his tracks and sat down on a bench, bringing Yeosang with him, gripping his hands tighter. "When I saw you yesterday sleeping on bed, it reminded me of my mother. It was terrible of me, and I’m sorry but I don’t want to lose you."

 

He sighed, and laid his head on his best friend’s shoulder, his eyes looking at the dark sky. "The reason I started all this recording was because of her. She said that if she could only rewind her life and look back, and then she laughed and said that I should record what I love, even if it is with my eyes, observe them. I love her so much."

 

A tear fell on Seonghwa’s face, and he sat back up and saw Yeosang trying to wipe his tears. Seonghwa didn’t know what to do so he started to tear up too, and both of them were crying on the bench, in the middle of the city below the dark sky.

 

They were beside of each other attempting to stop crying. Yeosang’s eyes were blurry because of his tears. Yeosang suddenly touch Seonghwa’s face and wiped some of his streaming tears, "Seonghwa, don’t cry. You are going to hurt your beautiful eyes, what if you can’t record the things you love then?"

 

Seonghwa laughed despite his tears, "Yeah I can’t capture them, especially you."

 

On the spur of the moment, Yeosang stopped crying and stared at Seonghwa face, his body was tensed and he was scared that what he listened was wrong. Seonghwa was a bit confused, but his eyes were clearing up too and his mind caught up what he said and he blushed, a lot.

 

Seonghwa stood up from the bench, the night feels a hundred times warmer, his face felt hot, and he stuttered between breaths, "I think I confessed to you."

 

Yeosang was still speechless, and he was trapped in his mind. He thought of answering back, but his heart was racing too much, his thoughts jumbled and he couldn’t open his mouth. He was too scared but he was also happy. His body was still tensed, and he could also feel the air getting warmer, his layered clothes felt restricting and his hands were sweaty, and he looked at Seonghwa’s face and tried to speak anything but couldn’t.

 

As the silence between them deepened, Seonghwa slowly accepted that maybe it was just a one sided feeling. He slowly greeted good night to his crush, who now is really crushing his heart, and walked to his apartment.

 

After Yeosang could process his thoughts, he saw that he was left alone on the bench. He was giddy at the thought of how their feelings are mutual. He wanted to be brave too. He wanted to tell him now. He stood up and start walking to Seonghwa’s apartment.

 

When he reached outside, he hesitated. He laughed and started to punch the midnight air. He entered the apartment with the pin that he remembered. He smelled the familiar scent of wild lavenders as he stepped further into the apartment. He looked at Seonghwa’s room and the door was parted and he heard crying.

 

His heart crushed and he felt guilty for leaving Seonghwa without anything, so he crawled into his room and saw a lump of blanket on his bed. He had a stupid idea of surprising him by jumping into the lump, but instead he hugged the lump.

 

The lump tensed and stopped moving, but suddenly it started to push Yeosang away and he fell down to the floor. Yeosang felt pain on his butt but he continued and tried to slide under the blankets.

 

Yeosang giggled when he saw Seonghwa’s back and he hugged him from behind, "Seonghwa, why did you left me alone?"

 

"Why are you here?" Seonghwa sounded so mad, and Yeosang couldn’t lie but he was a bit scared.

 

Yeosang took a huge breath and gently confessed, "I think, I love you too Seonghwa." He tightened his hug behind so he could avoid looking at him. He felt Seonghwa’s heartbeat going faster but his was also the same. He giggled and felt lightheaded. At that moment, Yeosang didn’t know what happened but he was on the floor, a pain on his chest and when he opened his eyes, he was on the floor and Seonghwa was standing on his bed.

 

"What was that for?" Yeosang screamed, holding his chest. Now his butt and chest hurts, and maybe his heart too, he thought of how abnormal his heart was beating right now.

 

Seonghwa rolled his eyes, and slowly sitting on his bed, "For toying with my heart."

 

Yeosang was dumbfounded on how childish the older one was being and he just laughed, "But you left me on the street! You could’ve waited on my response. You know I’m one of the dumbest kid in the class, right?"

 

Seonghwa almost sulked at that point but held his hand out for Yeosang and brought him into a hug.

 

They snuggled a bit on Seonghwa’s bed and Seonghwa kept repeating and making sure if it was really true that Yeosang really likes him. Yeosang was getting annoyed at some point but he didn’t want to hurt the boy anymore so he kissed Seonghwa on the cheek to convince him.

 

Seonghwa almost pushed his head on the wall beside the bed and laughed at himself because of getting too shocked. Yeosang snickered and snuggled into his chest and listened to Seonghwa’s weird racing but also even heartbeat. They fell asleep slowly, listening to each other’s whispers and that night, Seonghwa had one of his best sleep in a while.

 

Before Yeosang’s eyelid dropped, he heard a faint and distant sound, like a button. Yeosang thought maybe it’s Seonghwa’s recorder again, and he listened to his voice, ‘Seonghwa, don’t cry. You are going to hurt your beautiful eyes, what if you can’t record the things you love then?’

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first fanfiction ever, so please don't kill me. I tried really hard with the English language as it is not my native language, but I hope it made sense? 
> 
> Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed! Please comment if you love it, that would be amazing. :)


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